I didn’t know where my life was headed, and I didn’t care. I was doing as many cocktails of different drugs as I could. I was 18 and had been using drugs for four years. It started by using only on the weekends, using with friends at parties, wherever. It quickly escalated to using methamphetamines along with other drugs daily and before I knew it, I was shooting up as much as I could, whenever I could. The whole time I was doing it, I thought I was alone.

You would think that after getting arrested for possession at the age of 16 that maybe I would turn my life around. Needless to say that didn’t happen. I continued using more and more. I threw away any hope and help from my family. All I cared about was using the drugs that made me feel like I had some worth. I thought I was only affecting myself, but my friends and family were on the downward spiral as well. 

Before I knew it the people who surrounded me were dying or going to jail. In my head that was all a part of the game. You had to stay one step ahead or you would fall six feet behind. I watched my boyfriend and good friend of 5 years overdose, and that showed me there was no hope.

I was making runs all over the state to get my drugs that would fix all my problems and it was always one shot or one pill away. I never found what I was looking for. I also never found out what I was hiding from. What I did find was myself sitting in a jail cell. I sat there for almost a month and I realized that I was sick of losing everything. I had NO idea who I was, and I didn’t know anywhere that could make me feel comfortable being me. I had gone to a 3 ½ month rehab before and it had done nothing. So I was not looking forward to going to another one…I expected the same results.

When I walked through the doors of Narconon®, it was a fresh, friendly, active atmosphere that I never would have ever expected. The first thing I heard was that I was NOT addicted or a slave to any drug. I found that I was able to sit in a room with people and feel as though I didn’t need anything to make me comfortable. The entire experience showed me new ways to look at life. I found that every time I got high was because I wanted to. No one made me and I had no excuse of depression. The sauna got all of the toxins out of my body and the life skills got me well rounded. They prepared me for what I was going to deal with when I left. They helped me disconnect from the people who I had been hanging around with. They were not going to let me leave and fail. They gave me every single tool I needed to succeed.

Today I stand today at over a year sober. I have no urge to use. I know that drugs are out there and I know they aren’t going anywhere fast. Most importantly I know that I DON’T need or want to use them. Not because I fall a victim to them, but because for the first time in my life I feel as though I can be happy without them.

I love life now, and I wake up every single day and am happy I am alive. I have lost a lot and been through even more. If a year ago someone would have told me one day I would be successful, happy, and drug free, I would have laughed at them. Now I know that all along I had it in me to do just that. I am not alone anymore.

Today I stand strong with so many positive influences that surround me and I never expected to be this happy without having to use drugs or alcohol.

Emily Milburn
Narconon Arrowhead Graduate December 2006
Story written July 2007